July 08, 2010

Phew!

Filed under: One A Day
Phew!
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"The soap is formed in such a way that it keeps a balance in skin types of all Zodiac signs pertaining to both the sexes."

July 03, 2010

Find Your Heaven

Filed under: Asphalt & Entrails
Find Your Heaven
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They say rooks "escort the souls of the virtuous dead to heaven". I wonder who - or what - escorts the escorts when their time comes. (Fly off, tiny thing, and find your heaven.)

June 22, 2010

Midsummer 2010, I

Filed under: One A Day
Midsummer 2010, I
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Stone Cock, master of the Midsummer altar. (<- Cleverly disguised as a container garden. Shhh!)

June 18, 2010

69 Days

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69 Days
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69 days of "I DON'T EVEN GIVE A RAT'S ASS".

The line to fuck me starts behind Italics (who probably won't even be getting any since I'm so goddamn tired from marathon shaving). (<- 30 MINUTES, NO JOKE.)

June 17, 2010

Version 2.0

Filed under: One A Day
Version 2.0
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Shakey Bear lives on.

(Lives on and LIVES IT LARGE! How many other pet rats reincarnated as a plush armadillo get to visit castle grounds AND a garden center IN THE SAME FUCKING DAY? Answer: not many. Chef Shakey, you're a goddamn ~star~.)

(PS: Chef Shakey's memorial culinary-themed garden is complete: lemon thyme, marjoram, oregano and rosemary. <- I'm planning on planting her egg and daffodil in the center of the planter that'll hold the perennial herbs. Now to figure out how to decorate the container to make it Shakey Beartastic...)

June 15, 2010

V. Blessed or V. Cursed

Filed under: One A Day
V. Blessed or V. Cursed
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Universe, you're seriously fucking telling me that no one else - EFFING NO EFFING ONE EFFING ELSE! - in this fucking house even notices this shit (other than me)?

I'm either V. blessed or V. cursed.

June 08, 2010

You'd BUTTER Believe It!

Filed under: One A Day
You'd BUTTER Believe It!
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I don't even know where to begin. Seriously.

June 05, 2010

Anal Aries Witch

Filed under: One A Day
Anal Aries Witch
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Yeah, I don't think "anal" entirely covers it, either.

June 02, 2010

Out of Control

Filed under: One A Day

How do I know I'm a witch? Because even the crows - and persistent magpie who obviously worked any fucking angle to get a piece of the soup leftovers - can't resist my cooking; it's like something out of a Slavic fairytale. (I think they need one more year of buffalo wings, cheesecake, nachos and pizza before they're charmed enough to do my evil bidding.)

May 31, 2010

Morthouse Vase

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Morthouse Vase
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Excerpt from Lost and Found: Found old church. Found old graveyard. Found old morthouse. Found handy tourist signpost with old church, old graveyard and old morthouse information. Learned morthouse = corpse safe in olden times (to deter would-be body snatchers). Suddenly more interested in morthouse (surprise, surprise).

Return to dank interior of antique morthouse. "THIS TOTALLY FEELS LIKE AN ORDINARY SHED." (Ordinary shed partially buried underground, anyway.) Had to piss. Saw headstone fragments casually tossed into shadowy corners. Wanted them. (Still had to piss.) Saw small wooden ladder resting against stone wall. Wanted it. (Really had to piss.) Saw discarded dusty vase filled with rocks. Wanted it. (Really for real serious had to piss.)

Had piss at base of ladder. (Ladder? Super big Ukrainian ju-ju, FYI.) Groped ladder. Caressed ladder. Fantasized about abducting rickety old morthouse ladder for personal/ritual use. Considered leaving monetary note beneath rock where ladder stood. Too risky, left it. Took vase, though (not entirely stupid, mkay?).

Chippy and Timmy

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Chippy and Timmy
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Chippy and Timmy, Beh (badger) and Shakey Bear (armadillo) and Tentacle Monster by his lonesome hanging on the bedroom wall.

May 27, 2010

Idols'R'Us I

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Idols'R'Us I
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The house just got more crowded.

(Khnum and Renenutet will be joining the other Egyptian gods and goddess on our computer room/office window altar. Broken Baal will be attended by his equally broken consorts Kadesh and Anat. (<- It's only a matter of time before Astarte joins them in their broken emo parade.) And I have not a fucking clue as to where Wepwawet's gonna go.)

May 25, 2010

Works-in-Progress

Filed under: One A Day
Works-in-Progress
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Artificial life. Beginnings. Endings. Gifts. Hopes. Incense. Magic. New life. Oils. Old life. Phantom feet. Potions. Prayers. Preserved life. Remembrance. Trades. Treasures. Wishes.

...works-in-progress.

May 21, 2010

Today

Filed under: One A Day
Today
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Today:

Woke up blue. Worked on CSS coding. (<- FIRST TIME IN 5-6 YEARS!) Cursed CSS coding. (<- ALSO FIRST TIME IN 5-6 YEARS!) Grief seeds arrived. Pot - sativa - arrived. JWH arrived. Got high. Showered. Got high again.

Looked like thunder; didn't say. Felt stupid when it did. Thundered, little rain. Humid, sticky. Scent, sound, color, mood ticked every box. Perfect; paint-by-number masterpiece. Felt like summer storm back in Midwest, when time'n'air heavily hung under grey clouds. Childhood summers, sans mosquitos.

(Tapped into lucid memory of youth; momentarily felt immortal.)

(Cleaned: countertops, units, overhead extractor, tiles, toaster, window, kettle, altar, stars and sink.)

Listened to Florence and the Machine. Thundered. Made homemade macaroni and cheese (gluten-free brown rice elbow noodles). Served with store bought ribs. Listened to Monster Magnet. Thundered even more. Made homemade Greek tomato sauce. Made homemade brown duck stock. Listened/watched Top of the Pops 80s special. Baked homemade chewy peanut butter brownies. Listened to Goldfrapp. Thundered, thundered. (Lighting flashed.) Browned lamb shanks in goose fat, poured over tomato sauce and roasted in low oven. (<- Dinner. Maybe served with pesto and pinon nut risotto?)

Made offering to Shango Man. Called out in Ukrainian. ("HOO-DAY YEAST-TEH, SHANGO MAN, HOO-DAY, HOO-DAY!" ) Set bowl of milk and roast duck on patio. Within half hour lightening struck. Close. Too close. White flash; ducked, gasped, slapped computer off (old habits). Air electrified. Hairs stood, skin prickled. Everything hissed, everything vibrated. Powerful. Auspicious. Unsubtle contact.

(I listened; I'm listening.)

Good day? GREAT day. Today.

May 15, 2010

Lunch Break

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Lunch Break
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Today we ate lunch sitting between two giant pillars of rock flanking a neolithic recumbent stone. (Where did you eat lunch?)

May 11, 2010

More Than Just Ass

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Ms. Graveyard Dirt
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Ms. Graveyard Dirt: more than just ass.

May 10, 2010

Bennachie Stream

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Bennachie Stream
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Saturday morning found us at the base of Bennachie (a hill - the highest point in this region - with ancient religious significance and evidence of goddess worship) at 8AM thanks to my incessant need to locate pussy willow (which they call "goat willow" here) for next year's Hieros Gamos / Easter celebrations. (I have a whole folder of images, but I'm set on typing up that Chocolate Espresso Cake recipe so our foray into the woods will have to wait until later.)

May 01, 2010

Walpurgisnacht 2010

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Walpurgisnacht 2010
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Just a quick, blurry shot before bed. Hope everyone's Walpurgisnacht was as eventful as ours. (Did YOU ride the Goat? I DID.)

April 28, 2010

Flora Britannica: Book of Wild Herbs

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Flora Britannica: Book of Wild Herbs
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Amazon: Derived from the author's "Flora Britannica", this book takes a broad definition of herbs and includes 100 wild plants of England, Scotland and Wales. As well as describing them, the author gives an account of the role of wild herbs in social life, arts, custom and landscape.

The Universe knows I'm a sucker for cheap ass books listed on my Amazon wishlist. (<- If it's £1.50 or cheaper it's fair game.)

April 25, 2010

Essence #1

Filed under: One A Day
Essence #1: Spring, New Growth
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Essence #1: Spring, New Growth smells like fresh artichokes and earthy nuts (and looks like nearly formed larvae suspended in translucent pupation).

Macerating All Night Long

Filed under: One A Day
Macerating All Night Long
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I'm dedicating an entire evening to perfecting my macerating technique. (BABY, I'LL BE MACERATING IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN //ALL MOTHERFUCKING NIGHT LONG//.)

ETA: Wow. So, like, my 500th entry on Graveyard Dirt amounts to a cheap masturbating joke. (How amazingly fitting, right?)

April 11, 2010

Birthday Offerings

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Birthday Offerings
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The first round of birthday offerings to the GREAT AND TERRIBLE creatrix/destructrix who turns 30 today. (<- DO YOU HEAR THAT, INTERNET? MOTHERFUCKING //30//. I AM OFFICIALLY OLD ENOUGH TO BE A ~ROLE MODEL~; LOCK UP THE EASILY INFLUENCED BECAUSE I HAVE GREY HAIRS (A WHOLE SEVERAL, OR SOMETHING) AND I KNOW HOW TO USE THEM!)

April 04, 2010

Resurrection Bread

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Resurrection Bread
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Traditional Ukrainian Cookery: People greet one another with the traditional Easter greeting "Khrystos Voskres!" (Christ is risen!), to which the reply is "Voistyno Voskres!! (He is risen indeed!).

Khrystos Voskres, readers, visitors and friends. May the blessed power of resurrection bring you and your loved ones comfort and hope. (Eat a Peep - or several - on my behalf, okay? <- You can't get the motherfuckers in Scotland. SIGH.)

April 02, 2010

Great and Holy Thursday

Filed under: One A Day
Great and Holy Thursday
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With one hand I sacrificed my Bridegroom, with two hands I pray for forgiveness.

March 31, 2010

Spoilt Pig

Filed under: One A Day
Spoilt Pig Breakfast
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Did you know that this week is Bacon Connoisseurs' Week? No? (Just between you and me? Neither did I.)

March 29, 2010

Happiness Is...

Filed under: One A Day
Happiness Is...
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Happiness is having essential oils, herbs, spices and beeswax delivered to your door in 2-5 working days.

March 22, 2010

Waiting for Spring

Filed under: One A Day
Waiting for Spring
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Waiting for the balance of dark and light.

(Pictured: a box of chenille baby chicks (to top our Easter wedding cake), teardrops of frankincense piled on the window ledge, Winter's Kolach (a traditional Ukrainian bread religiously baked at Christmas, although the Aries/ass/sprouting seed design isn't traditional, heh) and velvety ribbons of incense smoke.)

March 19, 2010

Daydreaming

Filed under: One A Day
Daydreaming
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Daydreaming of warmer days (and less clothes).

March 15, 2010

Mother's Day, 2010

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Mother's Day, 2010
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Mothering Sunday breakfast: homemade drop scones, raspberry jam, fresh strawberries and pineapple guava juice.

March 04, 2010

Same Old Joke

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Same Old Joke
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Further proof why you can't take me //ANYWHERE// (especially old historic sites of national importance).

February 12, 2010

Magic Thread

Filed under: One A Day

BEHOLD, MY ENCHANTED, MAGIC THREAD! (NOW WHO AMONGST YOU DARES QUESTION MY DIVINE, GOD-LIKE POWER?)

February 09, 2010

Nature's Fridge

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Nature's Fridge
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Nature's undomesticated refrigeration unit = outside Scotland in winter. (Pictured above: leftover creme brulee in a Tupperware box sitting outside on the patio steps because the fifteen foot walk to the detached garage was too fucking long. <- I EXCEL AT BEING LAZY IN WAYS YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE.)

February 02, 2010

Merry Lactating!

Filed under: One A Day
Merry Lactating!
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How do you know when you've become a boring ass grown-up? When you realize you're just too fucking full for dessert. (Poor homemade Frangelico creme brulee, you'll have to wait until tomorrow!)

January 13, 2010

Living Nightmare

Filed under: One A Day
Fajita Dolphin
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So I'm grilling marinaded chicken breasts to make chicken fajita nachos when Italics wanders in and goes "OH, HEY, LOOK! THAT PIECE OF CHICKEN LOOKS LIKE A DOLPHIN!" drawing my attention to the grilled fillet that IS suspiciously dolphin shaped and that's seriously all it took to make me feel like it was unethical to chop it up and make nachos out of it.

(That's why, nearly two weeks later, it's still sitting on the same fucking plate on top of the bedroom's dresser, completely out of sight. You want scary? Imagine what it must look like by now and that, eventually, it'll have to be disposed of. <- IT'S A NIGHTMARE FOR YOU, BUT //REALITY// FOR ME. I CAN'T WAKE UP SCREAMING BECAUSE //I'M ALREADY AWAKE//.)

January 11, 2010

Spirits of the Snow

Filed under: One A Day
Spirits of the Snow
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...because a witch who doesn't read can never have enough books. (Yeah, you read that right.)

January 06, 2010

Sviata Vechera's First Star

Filed under: One A Day
Sviata Vecerha's First Star
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Sviata Vechera ("Holy Supper") is a ritualized dinner that Ukrainians observe on Christmas Eve. (More often than not it's the Eve that's the bigger deal in a lot of European cultures.) Traditionally nothing's eaten during the day as you get on with your chores (special attention goes into cleaning the house and taking care of any domesticated animals), but the fast breaks (and work stops) when the first star (symbolizing the star of Bethlehem) appears in the night sky, signaling the start of a twelve dish supper.

Christmas has come and gone for all you on the Gregorian calendar, but it's only just here for us Julian folks. (<- ONE OF THE AWESOME THINGS ABOUT BEING BAPTIZED AS AN EASTERN ORTHODOX CATHOLIC; I GET THE OPTION OF TWELVE EXTRA "CHRISTMAS" DAYS!) So a belated MERRY CHRISTMAS! to you Gregorians, from us Julians, and blessings for a happy and prosperous new year.

(Pssst! We got a white Christmas too!)

January 04, 2010

Stag Horse Brass

Filed under: One A Day
Stag Horse Brass
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January 01, 2010

New Year Resolutions

Filed under: One A Day
Resolutions
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January 1st, 2010: Pizza (bacon, mushroom and green pepper), kebabs (grilled chicken, onions, peppers and lettuce shoved in pita bread and smothered with sour cream), chicken nuggets, potato skins and fries (delivered to the door). Nightmare on Elm Street V and Smokey and the Bandit. Homemade chocolate egg nog, sour bubblegum-flavored gummi worms, strawberry beer, selection of cookie'n'chocolate truffles, selection of regional Italian cookies, cappuccino meringues, Turrón de Chocolate and SECRET sour strawberries.

...new year resowhat? (<- Obviously not in our dictionary.)

December 31, 2009

Last Sunset

Filed under: One A Day
Last Sunset
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The last sunset of 2009.

December 30, 2009

Christmas Goose Exorcism

Filed under: One A Day

"I CAST YOU OUT, SALMONELLA! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" <- Another unapproved exorcism by yours truly (the Vatican's going to send my ass a nasty fucking letter, heh).

December 29, 2009

And He Brought Her the Stars

Filed under: One A Day
And He Brought Me the Stars
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...and He brought Her the stars.

December 11, 2009

Not My Week

Filed under: One A Day
Not My Week
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This is totally not my week. (KEEP BRINGING IT, UNIVERSE, BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO TAKE MORE THAN THIS TO BREAK ME AT MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMASTIME.)

December 09, 2009

Stumped

Filed under: One A Day
Tarot & Remote Control Sex Bullets
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So, like, if one drawer's dedicated to tarot decks and divination tools, the second drawer's full of oils, unguents and salves and the third and last drawer contains everyday misc. magic articles (ritual scissors, incense, spoons, salts, sugars and Chippy's doggie treats) where the fuck do I put the insertable remote control vibrating bullet and bondage tape?

November 28, 2009

Temporary Limbo

Filed under: One A Day
Temporary Limbo
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Normally Papa's mask hangs just above my nightstand in the bedroom, but when time came to strip down the old wallpaper his ass got relocated to the computer room/office (at least until the redecoration's complete). A few days ago I caught him grinning like a fool, looking way too comfortable with the recent change in scenery.

"AIN'T //NO// WAY, NEGRO," I warned before the twinkle in his eye (socket) got any more glittery and flirty, "BLACK MAN? BEDROOM. WHITE MAN? OFFICE. OTHERWISE I'M NEVER GOING TO GET ANY SHIT DONE." He laughed, but I so totally wasn't joking in the slightest. Men (especially the incorporeal, voodoo-flavored subconscious skeletal link to the divine masculine)...pffffft.

November 24, 2009

Forest in a Day

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Forest in a Day
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Haunted forest? Done. Gated abandoned cemetery? About to start. (Wish me luck!)

November 22, 2009

Outside Inside

Filed under: One A Day
Outside Inside
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There's a haunted forest growing in our bedroom...

(OH MY GOD AND ALL THAT'S FUCKING DIVINE AND HEAVENLY, I'VE FINALLY BEGUN TO WALLPAPER THE FUCKING BEDROOM! <- The top half's a haunted forest scene and the bottom half is going to be a gated cemetery).

November 21, 2009

"I'M DRESSING UP!" Mess

Filed under: One A Day
"I'M DRESSING UP!" Mess
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Italics said I should dress up more often, but I'm not sure if the house can take it.

September 30, 2009

Altar Building Gremlins

Filed under: One A Day
Altar Building Demons I
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Altar building gremlins? Still here. (I've learned if you just close the door to the backroom you can keep them restrained and give the superficial impression that you've exorcised the last room.)

Altar Building Demons I
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September 26, 2009

Catch and Release

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Catch and Release I
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They stealthily creep into the house late at night through open windows around this time of year. We watch them spin their webs in corners of room in the warmth of modern living, and eventually, after days weeks and months, the perfect gossamer threads become heavy with dust and debris and sag like old Halloween decorations turning our office/computer room into a Hammer horror movie.

Catch and Release II
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September 15, 2009

Shango Tree Plums

Filed under: One A Day

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The Tree of Life ribbons were first wrapped around my human maypole on May Day (<- BELTANE BJ!), and then hung up on the only fruiting branch of the Shango (Bone) Tree on Midsummer. I'm seriously considering boozing these plums up to create a super swanky, super special ritual/ceremonial plum liqueur. (<- To be consumed during my favorite sort of rites - nudge, nudge, wink, wink...ahem.)

September 14, 2009

Fall Harvest

Filed under: One A Day
European Peacock Butterfly I
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Bumblebees and Butterflies
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Walled gardens at Drum in mid-September.

Buff-tailed Bumblebee
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Buff-tailed Bumblebee (Bombus terrestris)

Red Admiral Butterfly
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Red Admiral Butterfly (Vanessa atalanta)

European Peacock Butterfly II
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European Peacock Butterfly (Nymphalis io)

September 12, 2009

Rewards of Freedom

Filed under: One A Day
Female Pheasant
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Today's two things of note:

1.) Drove to a local castle with my mother-in-law in tow to prove to her that yes, in fact, I can drive. (PLEASE, GOD, LET THIS COUNTRY JAUNT FINALLY LAY TO REST THE NOTION THAT I'M A "LEARNING DRIVER"; I'VE BEEN DRIVING SINCE 15, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. <- JUST BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR FOR FOUR YEARS DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE. JESUS.) In fact, her manual riding self seemed relieved when I offered to drive back home.

2.) Meandered down a minefield of game bird roadkill (the Gask/Spring Hill standing stone country lane) and eventually succumbed to temptation when passing a non-flattened female pheasant. Unfortunately, her intestines were ruptured and there were patches of fly eggs so I had to ditch any hope for roast pheasant and settle for a pair of feet and an immaculate head which now reside in the outside freezer. (We didn't have pins to tack the one good wing against a wooden board so it - along with the rest of the headless, footless bird - will get committed to a ritual fire tomorrow evening.)

September 04, 2009

Skinless, Eyeless

Filed under: One A Day
Aug. 16th Walk Rabbit IX
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September 03, 2009

Blame Bacchus

Filed under: One A Day
Blame Bacchus
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Back arched, bodies locked. Computer room love, quiet and carnal, in the silence of early morning. (If two bodies were ever made for one another...)

September 01, 2009

Sterilizing Bottles, Round 1

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Sterilizing Bottles, Round 1
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Bottles = 1, Ms. Graveyard Dirt = 0

(If you can believe it (OH, I KNOW YOU CAN; SHARP KNIVES + CAVALIER ARIES = CUTS FATED TO HAPPEN) within two minutes of peeling labels off glass bottles I managed to nick my left* thumb with a knife and drew blood. <- Which means this project is EXTRA magic now, naturally, of course, witchy nudge-nudge wink-wink.)

(* It's "magic" when it's the left hand, it's "a motherfucking inconvenience and a deliberate bane to my existence sent by fucking God himself" when it's the right one (aka, the masturbating hand).)

August 31, 2009

Wild Blackberries

Filed under: One A Day
August 29th Walk VIII
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I read in a foraging book that the biggest, sweetest, most desirable blackberry is the one growing at the very tip of the branch, and it's always the first to ripen while the others behind it are a week or so behind. And the further up (down?) you go along the branch the more bitter and less desirable the berries become. (Less desirable in the sense of raw eating, the ones in the way back are still tres excellent for baking, jamming and preserving.)

August 30, 2009

Bacchus Cherry Beer

Filed under: One A Day
Bacchus Cherry Beer
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YES, THAT'S //EXACTLY// WHAT WE NEED IN THIS HOUSE AFTER A SOLID WEEK OF CONTINUOUS SEX AND BLOWJOBS - BEER NAMED AFTER BACCHUS. (<- Stick an entire bag of hard cherry candy into a bottle of beer and you've got BACCHUS CHERRY BEER; it's like being a kid and an adult ALL AT ONCE.)

August 29, 2009

Cemetery Beeches

Filed under: One A Day

I meant to write a proper entry today, but a few circumstances stood in the way. (i.e., the rats eating ANOTHER EFFING MICROFILTER (we've been off-line a few days while waiting for the replacement), Italics throwing up a couple of times first thing this morning, residual "stomach flu" fatigue, homemade hash browns followed by homemade cookies (an Italian cornmeal recipe flavored with marsala) and, finally, an unexpected - BUT DESPERATELY NEEDED - walk for fresh air.)

The video above is of some blustery Scottish wind tearing through the beeches that tower over the local cemetery. You can make out the ancient, sun-bleached headstones and, later in the video, beechnuts dangling from branches. (Beeches here only produce nuts every three or four years, so I'm determined to do something with them before they disappear for another several years.)

August 17, 2009

Eyes Like a Wild Rabbit

Filed under: One A Day
Aug. 16th Walk Rabbit V
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I've always been disappointed with the color of my eyes. Everyone's got great stories or similes or WHATEVER about their irises and I've only got "OH, YEAH, THEY'RE JUST SORT'VE…HAZEL" and "A LITTLE LIKE RINGS IN THE TRUNK OF A TREE".

But now I've got one better - I've got eyes like a wild rabbit.

August 13, 2009

Fall Already?

Filed under: One A Day
Fall Already? I
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Fuck, fall already?

Fall Already? II
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I guess so. (Sigh.)

August 05, 2009

A Taste of Fall

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Ruined Church
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Even with the brambles still flowering you can see fall creeping in around the small, ruined church next to the abandoned walled garden (just a hop, skip and jump from the cemetery). Sometimes I pinch myself and think HOLY FUCK, I LIVE //HERE//; on days like these it totally blows my fucking mind.

August 03, 2009

Lammas Cheesecake

Filed under: One A Day
Lammas Gooseberry Cheesecake VI
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Homemade Lammas gooseberry cheesecake decorated with fresh gooseberries, hyacinth and borage flowers.

August 02, 2009

Taxidermist in the Making

Filed under: One A Day
Fresh Fox Tongue
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I just spent the afternoon cleaning and processing the carcass of a fox road kill.

(The worst part of butchering a dead fox whose chest and stomach exploded leaving only its heart, windpipe and esophagus intact? Not popping joints, tearing muscle from skin, snapping cartilage, dismembering whole haunches, getting covered with several layers of gore'n'blood or scraping liquefied brains and skull remains off the inside of the pelt - it's smelling of wet fucking dog, everywhere.)

August 01, 2009

Lammas Gooseberries

Filed under: One A Day
Lammas Gooseberries
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600g of organically grown gooseberries from containers outside. (Just enough for a celebratory Lammas cheesecake and a granola bar recipe.)

July 27, 2009

Cemetery Lost-N-Found

Filed under: One A Day
Cemetery Lost-n-Found I
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Whenever we walk to the local cemetery there's always something waiting to be discovered.

Sometimes it's fresh roadkill, just missing eyes. Sometimes it's a nurse's blue and white top (hanging inexplicably from a wooden post). Sometimes it's a black currant bush exploding between four graves. Sometimes it's a wheel off a toy, a broken piece of statue, a polished rock, shards of antique pottery or a discarded Jurassic Park 3-D coloring book.

(HELLO AND WELCOME TO MY JUNKYARD WITCHCRAFT WHERE EVERY RUSTY, WATERLOGGED PIECE OF TRASH THAT CROSSES MY PATH IS A PROPHETIC OMEN OF A FUTURE WAITING TO HAPPEN.)

On a recent graveyard trip - not the last visit, but the one before (an unintentional visit; we were out photographing the sunrise over the hills and lakes of dissipating mists and decided, all spur of the moment like, to pop round for a visit) - we found a black currant bush nestled between two sets of graves.

While considering the possibilities (while considering the NON-CULINARY possibilities of black currants since I HATE AND LOATHE THE TASTE OF BLACK CURRANTS DOWN TO THE VERY PIT OF MY (IM)MORTAL SOUL) we ambled around the cemetery until we were at the edges of the cremation section where I found a dusty, dirtied black bottle half sunk in Scottish summer mud.

Too far removed from the memorial plaques there was no way to connect it to its proper owner so it was gingerly tucked into my basket (I originally intended to harvest the last of the elderflowers but I got distracted, hence the rural chic basket outing) along with a broken penny we found en route to the graveyard.

Cemetery Lost-n-Found II
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(But what should I do with it? Clean it up and give it as a gift (filled with graveyard dirt or some other witchery)? Clean it up and keep it for myself (peacocks are kind've sort've a significant spiritual animal thing for me)? Christ only knows. For now it's sitting on my nightstand altar behind my Apis Bull statue, holding the dry spray of flowers I wore in my hair on Midsummer.)

What does an American witch in Scotland carry in her Easter basket on an unplanned graveyard walk at five in the morning? The camera's tripod, a bottle of still water, an unearthed cemetery treasure, a mongoloid Pacman created out of a copper coin, her ritual shears wrapped up in their still bloody covering (I keep the kitchen scissors wrapped up in the unwashed towel I used to staunch the bleeding after I stabbed myself with the shears) and a dying buff-tailed bumblebee, quivering and shaking in its dampness as it slowly crawls off its yarrow deathbed and curls into the folds of her blood stained kitchen towel.

(It's magic, baby.)

July 26, 2009

Cemetery Currants

Filed under: One A Day
Cemetery Currants
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Currants harvested from the local cemetery.

(What does a witch do with fruits harvested from a graveyard? I dunno. What does a witch do with fruits harvested from a graveyard knowing that they'll be useful for something even if she really fucking hates the way they taste so they'll in no way EVER be used for anything culinary? She cleans them, dries them and bottles them in a clean spice jar for future witchery.)

July 22, 2009

Bedside Altar, July 09

Filed under: One A Day
Bedside Altar, July 2009
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My bedside altar's getting crowded and it ain't from Papa's doings (for once).

(Sort've left to right: Kadesh statue holding my gold Czarina earrings, my birthday peacock (Inanna's consort, Tammuz, is symbolically linked with the peacock) and my Hathor statue. Behind the peacock you can almost see Chippy's Sassanian amber bead (circa 400 BC) sitting in its display box and behind THAT sits our gratuitously graphic ritual bong (SORRY, THE INTERESTING BITS INADVERTENTLY WERE CENSORED). The dry sprig of flowers towering above Hathor are the flowers I wore in my hair this year when we performed Hieros Gamos in a local wheat field on Midsummer.)

July 12, 2009

Buff-Tailed Bumblebee

Filed under: One A Day
Buff-Tailed Bumblebee II
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A (worker) Buff-Tailed bumblebee visits my courgette flowers.

Buff-Tailed Bumblebee I
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Buff-Tailed Bumblebee III
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July 11, 2009

Nocturnal Teddy Bear

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Nocturnal Teddy Bear
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"OH, JESUS, SHE'S DRAGGING ME INTO THE HOUSE AGAIN." (<- You can tell he's male by his outie "belly button".)

July 10, 2009

Incense Making In Progress

Filed under: One A Day
Incense Making In Progress
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I'm dissolving a dehydrated blood clot (<- I PICK BLOOD CLOTS OFF MY MENSTRUAL RAGS WITH A PAIR OF TWEEZERS AND THEN DRY THEM ON GREASEPROOF PAPER FOR LATER USE) in some whiskey to add to a personalized necromancy incense blend I'm working on. (To the left are the first two WITCH'S GARLIC bulbs I've harvested this year.)

July 09, 2009

Summer Reading

Filed under: One A Day
Summer Reading
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I don't read. I mean, at ALL. (Which is terrifically LOLERIFIC if you knew what I did for a living.) And the only thing I hate MORE than reading is READING ON-LINE so READING A BOOK PURCHASED FOR A LAUGHABLE AMOUNT ON AMAZON MARKETPLACE WHILE SWINGING NAKED IN THE HAMMOCK is the lesser of two evils.

July 06, 2009

Thunder Moon Gardenia

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Thunder Moon Gardenia
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A single gardenia flowered in time for July's full moon.

July 03, 2009

Shango (Bone) Tree Altar

Filed under: One A Day
Shango (Bone) Tree Altar
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Constructed within a half an hour using locally sourced materials. (<- "LOCALLY SOURCED MATERIALS" = THE PILE OF FUCKING BRICKS AND ROCK THAT HAVE BEEN SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO THE TREE FOR YEARS. THANK YOU, MR. AWESOME, FOR YOUR FORGOTTEN PILES OF "TRASH" DEPOSITS HIDDEN AWAY IN THE RECESSES OF THE BACK GARDEN.)

June 27, 2009

Midsummer Fire

Filed under: One A Day

2008's Yule Log burning in 2009's Midsummer fire.

June 22, 2009

Be(d)side Papa

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Be(d)side Papa
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June 21, 2009

Midsummer, 2009

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Midsummer, 2009
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Morning after altar.

June 20, 2009

OMG WAR

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OMG WAR
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Civil unrest + internet speak = juxtaposition mindfuck

June 18, 2009

Questions Asked

Filed under: One A Day
Questions Asked III
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How the fuck did I not hear this break? (Our bedroom overlooks the patio, where both Italics and I were sleeping with the window open. ONCE AGAIN, UNIVERSE, I MUST ASK THE QUESTION: HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT HEAR THIS BREAK?)

Questions Asked II
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Thankfully I haven't had a chance to plant the gooseberry bush in the container (it was just squatting looking pretty), so the only thing that I lost was a pretty ceramic pot. (HOW THE FUCK DIDN'T WE HEAR THAT THING SHATTER?)

Questions Asked I
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June 17, 2009

Eating Well Tonight

Filed under: One A Day

What's more awesome than getting a perfectly wonderful terrific gorgeous reduced to clear duck? When the perfectly wonderful terrific gorgeous reduced to clear duck comes with some of its innards.

Shango Bone Tree Offering I  Shango Bone Tree Offering II
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We weren't the only ones who ate well tonight. (Go on, baby, you deserve it.)