June 19, 2010
Witch's Mark
Filed under: LOL!How you know you're a witch reason #29,865,491:
While in the kitchen at 2:30 AM with your husband you see one of your offering bones sitting across the street on the sidewalk. So you go outside barefooted, because it's summer and dry, and as you stand under the street lamp with your lamb shoulder bone you strip off all your clothes into a pile and dance naked beneath the artificial light until your husband - who's still in the kitchen - notices.
But he's not the only one who notices. A cat - a strange, foreign, alien cat - launches its furry ass from the shadows and throws its purring, arched body against your naked legs demanding love and attention. At 2:30 AM. On a weekday. Outside. During a public, mightnight hour sex dance. When you're still 100% naked (and your husband is making "GET BACK IN THE HOUSE OR PUT YOUR DAMN CLOTHES ON, WOMAN!" insistences).
How do you know you're a witch? When classic - seemingly invisible (WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT CAT COME FROM, ANYWAY?) - familiar animals begin catapulting themselves at you the second you show any skin while carelessly dancing under a night sky. Sorry, furball, but I don't have a witch's teat secretly hidden near my armpit or inner thigh for you to nurse on. Maybe you confused me with, oh, I don't know - A FICTIONAL 17TH CENTURY WITCH.
Note to Self: Just as you were writing the last sentence of this entry one of your small "cheap-cheap" birds flew into the window you were looking out of. (Did I check the wrong box before being reincarnated into this form? I did, didn't I? I fucking checked "ANIMALS" instead of "MEN" when asked what I'd prefer being thrown at me throughout my fucking life. Anyone have some cosmic grade Wite-Out they could lend me?)
