April 18, 2010

Aries Lambs, Aries Witch

Filed under: Burn the Witch

Someone asked me, months ago, how I knew I was a witch. I haven't replied because every day I come up with a new answer. Today's irrefutable (and downright damning) evidence:

After excitedly realizing that the ewe in the above video had just given birth to the twin lambs the first thing I wanted to do was SNEAK INTO THE FIELD AND STEAL AS MUCH AFTERBIRTH, UMBILICAL CORDS and EXPELLED SACS I could get my fucking hands on. (<- "Holy shit! Imagine - IMAGINE! - binding shit up with motherfucking UMBILICAL CORDS! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! I NEED AN UMBILICAL CORD!")

How the fuck do I know I'm a witch? Because upon coming across a birthing field of sheep my natural instinct was to SNEAK INTO A FARMER'S FIELD TO STEAL AMNIOTIC FLOTSAM AND JETSAM FROM HIS LABORING HERD OF EWES TO SPECIFICALLY USE IN WITCHCRAFT. (That? That isn't even me trying.)

My ass? Wouldn't have survived ten fucking minutes in this place three hundred years ago.