February 04, 2010
Bride's Brined Brisket, 2009
Filed under: The Black Arts
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Brining beef to make corned beef for Bride's Day (Imbolc) coincided with some medical testing. Since I had a tube up my nose and down my throat into my stomach monitoring the tension, pressure and pH of my stomach I passed on the metaphorical reigns to Italics.
Pictured above is a spice mix comprised of cracked peppercorns, ground allspice, dried thyme, smoked paprika and bay leaves. Italics first massaged the spices into the brisket log, and then followed it with about 1/4 cup of table salt.
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Italics rubbing the brining mixture into the brisket.
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Italics punching the brining mixture into the brisket.
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Italics shakaing the brining mixture into the brisket. (At the very bottom of this picture you can see part of the monitor I was wearing resting on the counter top.)
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Anointed, massaged and ready for the brining bucket.
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The recipe said to use two pots and some bricks. We used a skank ass garage bucket primarily used to clean the cars, some towels, a plastic bag, a cooking pot worth shit and a huge ass stone I stole from the front yard. (HEY, IT //WANTED// TO COME INTO THE HOUSE, OKAY? OTHERWISE IT WOULDN'T HAVE ROLLED OUT OF THE DIRT MOUND IT PREVIOUSLY LIVED IN FOR NEARLY 20 YEARS.)
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Clearly our culinary sophistication is off the fucking charts.
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I was going to indulge in some CHILDHOOD HYMN PARODY ("AWAY IN THE MANGER, NO CRIB FOR ITS BED, THE SIX POUND BEEF BRISKET, LAID DOWN ITS SWEET HEAD...") but I'm just too damn tired. (Knock yourselves out, though.)
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The brine's been rinsed off, the brisket's been patted dry and now all we need to do is boil it for about three hours.
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Not glaringly corned beef pink, but the taste made up for the lack of ruby red grapefruit color.
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There's no point in hiding it - this is clearly just a gratuitous fat shot taken for, and by, a fat enthusiast.
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Seven days of flipping, seven days of darting out in the cold and wet to turn over a six pound piece of meat sitting in a brine solution in the detached garage.
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There's the pink I was looking for...
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Seven days worth of brining, three hours worth of boiling and nearly two weeks worth of planning.
...it was worth every second.
