Graveyard Dirt: Two Worlds and In-between

"Christmas Day"

So...Christmas. (I'M ALMOST SORT'VE DONE WITH THE HOLIDAY, BEAR WITH ME.) On normal, non-cursed years we traditionally get dressed up on Christmas Eve and go out for a fancy pants meal. Christmas Day then entails visiting the cemetery to make an offering, coming home to a special breakfast, exchanging gifts and closing the day with a roast goose dinner.

This past Christmas? We had to cancel celebrations for the first time, ever. We picked up a cold when we were out on Yule, which manifested on the 23rd while grocery shopping. And then? And then we got hit by a blizzard. Our annual Christmas Eve tradition was canceled for the first time since instigating it, and we were so sick and miserable (and grouchy) on the 25th we didn't do anything celebratory.

But that was OKAY because I had AN AWESOME IDEA. The Eastern Orthodox church still uses the old calender system (Julian) which is 12 days behind our current calender system (Gregorian). Because of that a HUGE percentage of Ukrainians would be celebrating Christmas and Sviata Vechera in early January (the 6th for the Eve and the 7th for the Day) which meant, OH MY GOD, we could TRY AGAIN and go out on Jan. 6th for Christmas Eve dinner and then celebrate Christmas the day after.

(AWESOME, RIGHT? BECAUSE IT'D GIVE US NEARLY A FORTNIGHT TO RECOUP AND KICK OUR COLDS TO THE CURB. AND - AND! - WE'D HAVE AN ADDITIONAL WEEK OR SO OF SHOPPING GIVING US THE PERFECT EXCUSE TO FATTEN THE SPREAD BENEATH THE TREE. AND, DUDE, THE WEATHER WOULD HAVE NEARLY TWO WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS TO GET IN CHECK TO ALLOW US OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND INTO THE NEARBY CITY.)

(AND BECAUSE THE IN-LAWS WOULD BE RETURNING HOME ON JANUARY 4TH (THEY SPENT THEIR CHRISTMAS IN SPAIN LEAVING US TO OUR OWN DEVICES) THAT MEANT THAT WE COULD GET A LIFT INTO TOWN FOR DINNER (MAN, THERE WAS A TIME WHERE THE TAXI RIDE HOME COST NEARLY $40.00 USD, NO JOKE). THE ICING ON THE BELATED CHRISTMAS CAKE? THE IN-LAWS WOULD BE AWAY FOR BOTH THE 6TH AND 7TH DUE TO A WORK ENGAGEMENT SO WE COULD OBSERVE ALL OF OUR CHRISTMAS RITUALS WITHOUT DISTURBANCE.)

(YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PSYCHIC TO SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING, RIGHT?)

Both Italics and I woke up on January 6th with new colds that his parents had brought back with them from Spain. Even better? Our entire area was beginning to buckle down for the brand new blizzard that was about to hit us. Christmas Eve dinner take two? Canceled. Again. For the very same reasons as the first.

...but I didn't cry. Not once, not one tear. Salvation came in the form of a free Holiday Inn room in town that needed to be used on January 9th. Since the 9th is a significant date to us anyway (we officially "got together" on May 9th, 1997) we decided to postpone dinner for a THIRD time and observe it on the 9th, that way we'd celebrate both Christmas Eve and our anniversary. (One of my very few resolutions this year? Make time, every 9th, for date night/day. <- Some things deserve to be celebrated monthly instead of annually.)

The in-laws left early on "Christmas Eve" (the 6th of January) to get ahead of the blizzard since being away was a work related obligation. Even though we weren't going out for dinner we still had "Christmas Day" to look forward to - the walk to the cemetery in a winter wonderland, making our ancestral offerings together at the graveyard, coming home and having homemade crepes with better than jizz sauce, exchanging gifts beneath the tree and then, deviating a little from our normal routine, having a friend over later in the evening for a special meal.

On "Christmas morning" we got a call from the in-laws while we were still in bed - they were coming straight home; the work related obligation had been canceled due to the bad weather. We hadn't had our walk, we hadn't made our offerings, we hadn't had our special breakfast, we hadn't exchanged gifts. Fuck, WE HADN'T EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO GET OUT OF FUCKING BED BEFORE FINDING OUT THAT CHRISTMAS DAY, TAKE TWO, HAD ALSO BEEN CANCELED.

I cried before I got out of bed. Then I cried in the bathroom during my first piss of the day. And then I sobbed like the sorriest motherfucker you've ever seen when I opened the door to the computer room/office to see that "Santa" had left me something special. It was like God, who was solely responsible for all of the cancellations, misfortunes, ill health and bad fucking luck, was sitting on my fucking computer chair LAUGHING AT HOW HE MANAGED TO RUIN NOT //ONE// BUT //TWO// CHRISTMASES FOR ME.

(Want to feel awesomely super special and downright chosen? Have annual hardcore traditions which you REALLY FUCKING LOOK FORWARD TO get canceled on you TWICE (and in some instances THREE FUCKING TIMES since we were TOO FUCKING SICK to leave the house on Jan. 9th so Christmas Eve dinner TAKE THREE was canceled along with the very idea of leaving the house for any sort of make up meal) for the very same motherfucking reasons. It'll feel like heaven enjoys watching YOUR LIFE the most.)

I returned to the bedroom to wallow in self-pity, but that didn't last long. I knew what the SPECIAL gift from "Santa" was, and I had been waiting for that large cat print 70s lounge dress FOR-EV-ER. So, in the end, my insatiable curiosity and Peg Bundy love for leopard, tiger and cheetah print shook me out of my "BUT WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEEE?" mind frame and got "Christmas morning" - no matter how aborted - started.

We didn't manage a walk, or offerings at the graveyard, or a super special Christmas morning breakfast, but we did manage a small meal before settling down to exchange gifts (peppered with the occasional sneeze, nose blow and mutual complaints about nasal drips). The in-laws were exceptionally cool and sympathetic and stayed out THE ENTIRE DAY, even going as far as having a meal out together to give Italics and I enough space to have something that loosely resembled "Christmas".