Graveyard Dirt: Two Worlds and In-between

Outside Cabinets

I swear to all that's fucking holy that the only thing my in-laws notice when I clean the fucking house is that there's suddenly MORE FREE SPACE TO JUST DUMP SHIT AND LEAVE IT THERE.

(Do they notice the bleached counters, the buffed surfaces, the streakless windows, the vacuumed floors, the polished wood, the sparkling glass? No. They only thing they seem to notice is the sudden - almost if by MAGIC - expanse of open, uncluttered space that's being wasted on absolutely nothing.)

(I MEAN, WHY WOULD //ANYONE// WANT A FLAT SURFACE DEVOID OF ANY DECORATION OR CLUTTER WHEN YOU CAN HAVE AEROSOL CANS OF DE-ICER OR WINDOW SCRAPERS OR PILES OF ALREADY READ MAIL OR BOTTLES OF BEER AND CHAMPAGNE SITTING OUT AND TAKING UP THE FREE SPACE? REALLY, COUNTERS ARE JUST OUTSIDE CABINETS, RIGHT?)

(AND SINCE THEY'RE AN EXTENSION OF CABINETS IT'S ONLY NATURAL TO TOSS SHIT ON THEM BECAUSE WHAT IF - WHAT IF! - YOU NEED THE ALREADY READ MAIL OR ONE OF THE 10 DIFFERENT PENS IN THE NEXT 3-19 WEEKS? IMAGINE THE SORT OF CHAOS THAT WOULD ENSUE IF YOU NEEDED ONE OF 10 DIFFERENT PENS OR THAT ALREADY READ PIECE OF MAIL FROM 3 WEEKS AGO AND SOMEONE HAD -PUT IT INSIDE THE CABINET, WHERE IT BELONGS-. IT WOULD ADD A WHOLE TEN SECONDS TO A SITUATION THAT ALREADY BORDERS ON "EMERGENCY".)

((CLEARLY, I'M THE ANOMALY...AGAIN.))