Graveyard Dirt: Two Worlds and In-between

Nine of Wands

The following post ventures into "OLD NOTES" territory. In this particular case it's a copy and paste job from an old livejournal entry from November 14th, 2007 (although the events that took place pre-date the writing; actual date of said events would have been October, 2007 (i.e., during our Halloween vacation break)).

So there was this Saturday before Halloween, just before midnight, where I found myself gloriously stoned and in my Ghede thong, absently flipping through a tarot deck as Dr. John played in the background.

Papa and I sat, face to face (face to skull?), and in-between his sweet nothings, in-between long stretches of time where music sank past flesh and muscle and tissue into bone, when we were lost together in a haze of cigar smoke and incense I asked him to skin-walk with me to show me something I needed to know. With hand within hand five cards were pulled, but I only remember one, and it hasn't left me since it was first turned.

When the music stopped and the last of the cigar smoldered away I was left cross-legged on a leather couch in front of a smiling plastic skull. Still somewhat cloudy headed (and with a thong riding up to a totally unsexy degree) I sat and stared at the last card of the triplet, not entirely sure if the birdman wearing a top hat* (bird = blackbird = papa's birds, top hat = well, uh, top hat, and the vines growing up and around the wands on his back = papa's cherry bomb chili plants trained up wooden poles) could see the two thorned clubs that were lying on the ground as he walked past.

So I asked Italics because I couldn't tell if he was AWARE that there were two batons still on the ground, or if he had dropped them and just left them, or if he had walked past completely obvious that there were two more identical wands just waiting to be picked up. He said it didn't matter, but I didn't understand. And I didn't understand for a while, even though the card stayed fresh in my mind, even though I sat for days and days and days trying to understand why it didn't matter.

And then, while ponderingconsideringcontemplating, I got my first "oh, hey, are you okay?" email, but because I was so busy I didn't have a chance to reply. Then another one appeared, and then a livejournal comment sneaked into my inbox followed by another, and another, and another, and another. And all the while I thought "I can't believe anyone even noticed I wasn't around in the first place..." as notifications began to pile up, and, try as I did, I just didn't have the time to sit down and reply with some sort of answer, even though I already had it in the forefront of my mind.

It doesn't matter whether Mr. Birdman Wearing A Top Hat knows (or doesn't know) there are two more wands still strewn on the ground, all that matters is that Mr. Birdman Wearing A Top Hat is totally aware, and totally conscious of the fact that he's carrying all that he can manage. He might've seen them them walking past, or he might've walked right past them without knowing, he might even be thinking about looking over his shoulders and back at the pair while engaging in a brief moment of second thought, but the important thing is he's knowledgeable of his current personal limits.

So if you emailed, or commented, or even thought "WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER?" the answer is "9 of Wands", and I thank you V. V. V. much for your care and concern, but even more for the fact that despite not being around and in everyone's face you still remembered that I exist. XOXO.

* Bosch Tarot, 9 of Wands